Moderator: SK-Biene
~ To Care ~
By TaZi
Spike's POV
I stare at him as he lies on the cold ground, bleeding, forgotten, death hovering near. I can smell it you know? Death. Almost as strong as the smell of his blood. My demon screams inside of me, urging me to take, to taste.
The others, more worried about the Slayer - their "oh so great Chosen One" - have yet to take notice. Why would they? Compared to her, what is he? Nothing.
I think of all the times he threw himself head-first into danger, always their protector. Nothing meant more to him than keeping them safe, and of course saving the world.
Stupid white hat. Idiot. Look at you now.
I watch as the essence of his life runs from the open wound in his stomach. The poison from the demon we just fought, infecting him, keeping his blood from clotting.
If he doesn't get help soon, he will perish. I could help. But do I want to? Do I care? Why should I? I'm just another soulless demon. Incapable of caring, of feeling. Beneath him.
Would he help me?
Pfft. Yeah, right! Wouldn't stake my unlife on it. Stupid git. If anyone is beneath anyone, he is beneath me.
His hair, once brown and shiney, is now caked with blood and gore. His dark complexion, getting paler by the second.
Shouldn't be long now.
I glance in the direction of the others. Still fussing over the Slayer. The way she's whining about her stupid blouse being ruined, I guess she'll live.
Shame that.
His eyes haven't opened. He hasn't moved at all. Is he even aware that I am here? Maybe wondering if I'm going to help him or just walk away. Leave him lying here to die alone. Like the ones he thought cared. Thought were his friends.
If they don't care, why should I? Not like he was risking his hide for me. Not like he ever would.
Would he?
Funny, I would expect them to treat me like this. Not him. Although, not like they checked to see if I was still around either. But I am use to being forgotten. Left behind.
History there. Not going to think about that.
I remember the first time he saw me after I arrived in Sunnyhell. The look in his eyes. Disgust. Loathing. Like I was something he had just found stuck to the bottom of his shoe.
Couldn't scrape me off fast enough. Certainly would never have thought to touch me. Get close to me. Oh, no. Couldn't sully himself.
Wanted nothing more than to see the Slayer stake me. Wipe me from existance so he'd never have to look at me again.
Oh, look at that. They're leaving. Helping the Slayer to the car. Looks like she hurt her leg. Hopping on one foot. Leaning on the Watcher and the Witch. Guess they are taking her to the hospital.
Heh. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll get one of those staph infections hospitals are so famous for.
They still haven't remembered him though. Haven't thought to look for him or check to see if he was alright. To act like they cared or gave a damn.
So why should I?
I remember what it was like after I escaped from the Initiative. The feelings of fear and helplessness.
Things I haven't felt since the day I dug myself from my grave and was embraced in my Sire's strong arms. Since hearing whispered in my ear, that I would never feel those feelings again. But I did.
Oh yeah, I did.
Having to go to my mortal enemy and her band of merry misfits for help. For protection. Me, the Big Bad. Needing to be protected.
I can imagine what went through his mind when the Watcher and Slayer decided to keep me around. I can hear him telling Her Royal Sluttyness that I couldn't be believed. Couldn't be trusted. That the best thing for everyone would be for her to stake me. That she didn't need me. Not with him there to help her. Watch her back.
*Snicker* "Who was suppose to be watching yours Hero?"
His eyes start to flutter. His lips start to twitch. I can see his fingers move a little.
Hmm. Must of heard me. Not quite as gone as I thought he was. Always was stronger than I gave him credit for.
Guess he would have to be. Always fighting the good fight. Having survived this long. Fighting because he cares.
But I don't. Not about them. Not about him.
Do I?
His eyes flutter again and then open. At first, they're glassy, faraway. They slowly start to clear, focus, hone in on me.
I think to myself - yeah, good, that's right. Look at me. See me. I'm the only one here. The only one that stuck around. The only one who can help.
But why should I? Why should I help? Why should I care?
And then I hear it. The answer to all my questions, just falls from his lips, as if it were the meaning of life itself.
And it is. Mine.
"Childe."
And I know why I am here. I know why I am the one to stay, to help.
"Sire", I say before slicing my wrist with my fangs and lowering it to his lips.
Because I do. I care.
Angel's POV
Pain.
I can feel it consuming me, spreading through every molecule of my body. Pain, like nothing I've felt before, not even in the 100 years I spent in Hell.
Fire.
Burning me alive. Feels like my blood has been replaced with Holy water. I can feel nothing but the liquid fire running through my veins. Why? Was I poisoned?
Poison.
Demon. We were fighting a demon. I tried to divert it before it could attack the others. Not strong enough. Couldn't stop it. Couldn't prevent it from pinning me to the ground and biting into my stomach.
Biting me.......POISONING ME!
Don't panic. Think. Have to try to think.
The others. Oh God, the others. Did they kill the demon? Did it hurt them? Do they need help? Have to get up. Have to help them.
Must get up. Find them. SHIT! Can't...can't move. Can't feel my body.
The pain is lessening. I think I've lost a lot of blood. Too much. It's not slowing. I'm not healing. Must be the poison. I'm getting lighter. Fading. I think I'm close to blacking out. I can feel it closing in on me. The darkness is calling me.
Maybe I should just let go. Let go of everything. Just stop.
Stop struggling with my soul, my guilt. Stop fighting for the redemption I'm not even sure I want any more. Stop regretting.
Yes. Let go. Let the darkness have me. So easy.
But, there's something.....something near. Something besides me and the darkness. It feels familiar. It pulls at something deep inside me. Pulls me away from the dark peace I want so badly. So close, I can almost sense...
*Snicker* "Who was suppose to be watching yours Hero?"
...him.
William. My sweet William. My beautiful Childe. My long ago lover. My biggest sin. My deepest regret.
And I do regret him. But not for the reasons my soul tells me I should. Not even for the reasons my friends think I do.
How could I? He's perfect. So perfect.
No, the things I regret happened after I got my soul, not before.
Abandoning him. Leaving him to take care of Dru on his own. To deal with Darla. Only the Powers That Be know how he survived that.
Turning my back on him. He was so excited when he killed his first Slayer. I know he did it for me. Wanted his Sire to be proud of him. And I was. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him.
Oh god, denying him. He came to Sunnydale looking for me. His beloved Sire. And I said "no". The pain I saw in his eyes nearly tore my soul from me.
Not helping him when the Initiative hurt him, crippled him. Those BASTARDS! Angelus came close to breaking free the day Giles called to tell me what they had done to my beautiful Childe.
But I did nothing. And my biggest regret....the one that makes me feel as though my heart were being ripped from my chest. The reason I could walk into the sun and never look back.
Letting him think I believed he was beneath me.
Oh yeah. I am well aware of that part of his history. Of Cecily. Of his rejection and pain. I knew what that would do to him. How it would make him feel.
He did nothing to deserve it. Any of it.
How appropriate, for him to witness my pain and suffering in my final moments, as I witnessed his. To watch me die, as I once watched him.
If only he could bring himself to hold me in his arms, the way that I held him, so we could share this moment together.
But no, that's not what he needs. That's what I need. And this, the last of the time we will ever share together, is for him. I owe him that much.
No, wait. I owe him more. He needs to know the truth. He needs to know how proud I am of him. How much I love him. But most of all, I did not regret him. Not ever.
I can't leave him without telling him. Have to open my eyes. Have to move. Tell him. Must...
"Childe."
Too weak. Oh god, help me find the strength. Please...
"Sire."
He slices his wrist and places it to my mouth. As he returns to me the life I once gave him, I look into his face, into his eyes. And I see what I've been so desperately searching for.
To Hell with the Powers That Be. To Hell with the guilt. Here, in the Childe I tried so hard to forget, to deny. Here, I have found my redemption.
And there will be no more regret.
~ Fin ~
Sag mal kannst du mir die überarbeitete Version per email schicken? 
Denn bei mir gehen per copy und paste aus emails immer die ganzen schönen übersichtlichen Lücken verloren. Oder habt ihr da einen Trick für?? William. My sweet William. My beautiful Childe. My long ago lover. My biggest sin. My deepest regret.
And I do regret him. But not for the reasons my soul tells me I should. Not even for the reasons my friends think I do.
How could I? He's perfect. So perfect.
To Hell with the Powers That Be. To Hell with the guilt. Here, in the Childe I tried so hard to forget, to deny. Here, I have found my redemption.
And there will be no more regret.
aber die geschichte ist wirklich gut! 
Danke dür die Mail
das klang jetzt aber gar nicht nett... ich weiss nicht, ob's mir lieber ist, wenn spike schlecht geht oder wenns xander schlecht geht...winterblue hat geschrieben:ich weiß gar nicht, was mit lieber ist ... dass es spike schlecht geht und xander ihn aufbaut oder umgekehrt. beide varianten sind nett.
