Flugzeug Wartung

[Marduk]

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution/action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
.
P: Test flight Okay, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget